HOW TO LOSE YOURSELF IN LONDON IN 2 DAYS

I’m an extravagant person (Leo; sue me), and I’m always looking for the next, big adventure for my birthday. After working as a flight attendant for two years, I decided it was finally time to utilize my benefits and take my first solo trip abroad. With only four days off, I had to maximize my schedule by taking a redeye from LAX to LHR, and losing out on sleep by fully sending it in two days. Can you see all of London in that time? No. But you can do more than you think. Here’s how:

DAY ONE
From LHR, schedule a ride pickup via the Freenow ride service. Freenow is a European taxi service with fixed pricing, so you don’t have the hassle of Uber/Lyft gouging. It’s always better to schedule a ride in advance, so you can be accommodated right away. LHR is busy, and the wait times for a ride service can be quite high. The cost of a private ride is going to run you about $100USD, which is pretty steep, all things considered, but I was on a time crunch. If you want to keep your wallet full, there are also a few subway lines that connect you to the Paddington station, which is a hub for travelers wanting to connect locally within London. Airport lines into London are no more than $30USD.

I wanted a place with walkability to the popular attractions in London, including Kensington Palace, Buckingham Palace, the London Eye, and Big Ben. I chose a cute hotel in Notting Hill, called Vancouver Studios. For two nights, I paid a little over $200USD. London is not the cheapest place to travel, I can tell you that much.

After all was settled, it was about 4 p.m. and I had to get going. Using my Chevrolegs, I took off for Kensington Palace – a quick 15 minutes around the corner. Again, I was on a strict time crunch, so I gave myself a quick tour through the gardens and up to the palace gates. There are tours you can book here, if you have more time and want an in-depth look into British history.

Because I had a late start, the sun was set before I could put a dent into the royal tour I wanted to give myself; it was my birthday, though, and I was set on having some evening fun. I found an experience through Airbnb via a local named Aisha (@moonlightexperiences) called, “Uncover Secret Bars,” and met up with a group of six strangers from around the world, including North Carolina, New York, and Amsterdam. Here’s every bar we went to:

1) The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town: Enter through The Breakfast Club’s fridge (front and center), and descend down a flight of stairs to uncover this dimly lit bar with Prohibition vibes. Their most important rule? “The town is Scaredy Cats Town, not Cool Cats Town. The mayor demands the highest standards of self-deprecation.” I recommend the Whiskey Wildcat with Johnnie Walker Black Label Whiskey, tobacco liquor, clementine juice, honey syrup, lemon, angostura bitters, mint and Fevertree soda, or, the Peanut Butter Daiquiri with peanut butter infused Ron Santiago de Cuba Carta Blanca, creme de banane, lime and sugar. Drinks prices are about the same in the states, averaging about $15/cocktail. You can also find a small food menu with guacamole and chips, and charcuterie.

2) Lounge Bohemia: With an entrance so unassuming, you’d have to know exactly what to look for, or you’d miss out every time. Located on Great Eastern Street in Shoreditch, the tiny hallway to Lounge Bohemia is sandwiched between two buildings; it’s blended into the environment so well. If you do happen to accidentally make it down the hallway, the poster-emblazoned walls would have you turning back before reaching the entrance. Luckily, we had Aisha as our tour guide. Inside, the seating arrangement is big enough for just a few parties, and is architecturally Prague-incarnate; the owner, Pavel Tvaroh, is a migrant from the Czech Republic. Lounge Bohemia is reservation only, so make sure to book in advance, or risk getting turned away. Though the menu is small, it’s also mighty, as drinks are served as an experience with a story behind each. I recommend order from the tasting menu for about $45USD. You will get to sip through three different cocktails. I opted for the Nature, and was presented with edible rocks, and a volcano (smoke and all) transforming cocktail. The East Meets West was also a favorite, as the cocktails were served as mock Asian cuisine – we had boozy fruit disguised as sushi, liqueur-soaked lychee, and a sake-bomb served in the form of gyoza. One of my favorite experiences of the two days!

3) The Cocktail Club Shoreditch: The most Instagram-able of the bars we visited. Were the cocktails spectacular? No. BUT, it did make for some really cute photos. The bar is split into several rooms, each more picturesque than the next. We were sat in a room with a floral wall, astro turf, and a cute swing (not conducive to drinking). Because each room was sectioned off, it made for an intimate experience within our group – dim lighting, low music, etc.

4) Ballie Ballerson: Our last stop was an 18+ establishment with a giant ball pit next to the giant dance floor. Truly a recipe for debauchery and illicit behavior. It’s open until 2 a.m., so you know the place gets packed and silly. We stayed until about midnight, after covering ourselves in the disgusting cesspool that was the ball pit. I have no regrets. Not even the 6’4″ bouncer.

DAY TWO
I was up early in order to continue my touristy excavation through London. My most important goals were to see The Changing of the Guards, the London Eye, Big Ben, and to have a staunchly British meal. I completed all of these by walking a little over six miles in the day, but you can take train lines to cover more area in a short amount of time. If I could go back and do it again, I would book myself a guided walking tour throughout the city. There weren’t any available last minute, so I had to self-guide my experience, which was fine, but then I missed out on meeting people and viewing London through a clear lens.

Some places you can book a tour:

– With Locals
– Viator
– London Walks
– London Guided Walks
– Sandeman’s New Europe
– Take Walks

Staunchly British Meals:
– The Woodins Shade: Order one of many gin & tonics to go with the rabbit pie. Is British cuisine just an amalgamation of whatever the fuck is around? I’ll leave you to decide. For a drink and a meal, I spent $30, which means I was bamboozled by the powers that be.

– Snog Frozen Yogurt: I know what you’re thinking: “Frozen yogurt isn’t British, Samantha.” Well, duh. But, the novelty of this establishment is. And, the first people to consume dairy were European…so. Residing in a double-decker, red piece of glory, reminiscent of the Spice Girls’ Spice World tour bus, this frozen yogurt shop had me gooped AND gagged. The flavors did NOT. Very basic menu, but still fun for the novelty of it all.

– Sizzles: Listen, I had to get blood pudding. Blood cakes are also a huge part of my Taiwanese heritage, so you best believe I was going to make London come correct. A quick Google search led me to this cheap, hole-in-the-wall establishment that did not disappoint. I ordered a breakfast of eggs, sausage, black pudding, bacon, and beans for about $9USD. Was it the most flavorless, confusing meal of my life? Yeah, probably. But, it was inherently British, and my mission was accomplished.