A VERY SAPPHIC ROAD TO HANA ADVENTURE

Is there anything gayer than renting a Jeep camper to drive two hours in flannels, while King Princess takes over the aux? The jury is still out, though, they have ruled in favor of driving Maui’s road to Hana.

Our two night adventure was a huge success, largely in part of Maui Camper Escapes. Not only was the camper compact enough for our little off-the-beaten path escapades, it had great gas mileage and we were provided pillows and blankets for the tent. If you’re looking for a little more space, there are trucks and sprinter vans available, as well.

The lot to pick up our truck was around the corner from the airport and next to Plate Lunch Marketplace – a haven of delicious foods; we were literally going around in circles trying to make a decision. I ended up settling on a wagyu truffle burger and kimchi tater tots, while my partner opted for a hearty, beef stew.

I’ve driven the road a few times, so I got to be passenger princess with bae and really soak in the views. I’m very thankful for an adventurous partner, who was eagerly willing to make many pit stops along the way. This trip was much more productive than any of my previous visits, and that’s just the way I like it! In total, we made 13 separate stops to and from Hana. A lot of the stops aren’t meant for tourists and have posted LOCALS ONLY signs to preserve the cleanliness of the water (harsh chemicals from lotions and sunscreen), as well as protect people from the steep hiking. Please respect Hawai’i and all it has to offer if you find yourself at one of these spots.

I know you’re all frothing at the mouth for the NSFW details, but I don’t road-trip-and-tell. I will however, give you the skinny on where you absolutely must-stop:

1) Haipua’ena Falls: Easily accessible, towards the beginning of the drive if you’re starting in Kahului. Small falls and watering hole.

2) Honomanu Bay: Rocky beach with black sand and a small cave (riddled with spider friends).

3) Ke’anae Lookout/Aunty Sandy’s Banana Bread: We weren’t able to get any of Aunty Sandy’s famous banana bread at the store front, but found some sold along the way, however, the OG is where you want to be. Go early, because the shop closes once product runs out. Make sure to park at the top, or find a spot next to the ocean to enjoy the bread with stellar views.

4) Wailua Falls: As you ascend further on the tour du Road to Hana, the falls and swimming holes become fresher and more secluded. If Wailua is the only swimming hole you stop at, you’ll have had a successful trip.

5) Wai’anapanapa State Park: THE black sand beach. Plus, picturesque, ocean-front camping. Make sure to register your campsite at least 30 days in advance, because spots fill up. 20/10 recommend this spot. A MUST see. The benefit of camping here is being able to have the beach to yourself in the early morning and evening. Access opens to the general public at 7 a.m. and closes at 6 p.m. During peak season, the beach gets crowded.

6) Da Mean Bean: “Far From Starbucks,” and you’ll be so grateful, because of it. This little, orange, ray of sunshine was a nice start to our second morning. The beans are roasted in Hawai’i, and you can taste the freshness. You can also purchase local art, like stickers and postcards, pastries, and even musubi. If you’re wanting something more hearty, there are several other food trucks nearby that serve local cuisine, burgers, and Thai.

7) Ae’s Thai Kitchen: Generous portions and properly seasoned options. Some of the best Thai food I’ve had in Hawai’i, period. We split the pad Thai and the pork belly stir fry and still had enough for our third day.

8) Kaihalulu Beach: An otherworldly piece of nature. Every time I visit, I’m taken aback by the splendor of the red rocks and sand, like a habitable beach on Mars. The hike down is very steep and dangerous, I do not recommend this if you’re not an excellent hiker. But the views are worth every second of the hike down. Because the hike doesn’t see a lot of foot traffic during off season, you’ll be one of the only few to find solace in the magic.

9) Hasegawa General Store: An historic staple on the road to Hana, built in 1910 by the Hasegawa brothers, and made ultra famous by the Paul Weston song. Make sure to stop here for locally made foods and souvenirs, as well as to stock up on groceries if you’re staying in Hana.

10) Mahalo Aleworks: Our final stop on our last leg of the two day adventure. Mahalo Aleworks brews locally with yeast from Haleakala. With a rotating twelve taps and wine, there’s a little something for everyone. While the brewery itself doesn’t have food, a sausage food truck and pizzeria are nearby, and you are welcome to have the food in the brewery. Find a spot on the second story and watch the sunset over Maui.